Girard0235

5 February 1843 - Brother Emery (Pierre Roudet) to Father Jean-Colin, Kororareka

Summary

As the Rule at that time demanded, Brother Emery is doing his best to describe to Father Colin his spiritual situation. Like quite a few of the early Brothers, he is finding it hard to adapt to a situation on the mission in which he is being asked to do work he was not trained for back in France. However, he is finding that his difficulties are bringing him a new spiritual freedom. Again like other Brothers, he finds that the amount and variety of his work prevents his making much progress in learning Maori and English. But the task, new to him, of working in the printery, he finds very interesting. He finds Father Garin, the provincial, a helpful spiritual director.

Based on the document sent, APM Z 208.

Two sheets, forming eight pages, of which seven are written, with the eighth containing only an annotation by Poupinel. The recipient of this letter is undoubtedly Jean-Claude Colin, as in his letter of November 1, 1843 (addressed to Father Colin), the author mentions having written to him once before (cf. doc. 275, § 1).

Translated by Merv Duffy, January 2025

Text of the Letter

[p. 8] [In Poupinel's hand]

New Zealand ¤ February 5, 1843 ¤ Brother Emery

[p. 1]

Jesus, Mary, Joseph

Kororareka, February 5, 1843

My very dear and reverend father,

[1]

The desire I have for my sanctification has prompted me to write this letter so that, with the help of Jesus and Mary, I may make known the dispositions of my soul to receive from your paternity the advice and counsel I so greatly need for my progress in virtue.

[2]

1. As for my vocation, I am very content. I thank the good Lord unceasingly for it; I also thank you, my reverend father, because you contributed to it on your part.

[3]

I recognize myself as quite unworthy of it. That is why I strive to do all I can not to render myself even more unworthy by my infidelities.

[4]

This vocation is very hard for my nature, and that is why I value it all the more. I know that the more nature suffers, the more there is to gain for the soul. I believe I do not conform sufficiently to God’s will in my good desires because I sometimes grow saddened when I do not see them fulfilled. This is something Reverend Father Garin, my spiritual director, once helped me to realize during direction.

[5]

I find the work of the mission very burdensome for my body, and sometimes also for my soul. I do not often work at sewing; it is necessary to work in the garden, to go to the forest, to go to the boat. Some days are very difficult when going to the boat because it requires struggling all day against the wind. Currently, I am working in the printing press; for the past two weeks, I have been working there all through the night. All these tasks, and so many others that are so numerous, reduce my body to nothing but skin and bones. But that does not frighten me; on the contrary, I rejoice to see the prison of my soul begin to fall into ruins. I would desire that it be completely destroyed so that my soul might finally go to see its God, to love Him as He deserves and as it desires to love Him.

[6]

Regarding fraternal charity, I often fail. I have such a quick temper that the slightest thing my brothers do to upset me causes me to give in to bad moods and, at times, to say hurtful words to them.

[7]

I constantly ask God for this virtue and often make resolutions on this subject. Over the past month and this month, I have made it my particular examination of conscience, and I notice that I fail less often. This is not because I despise them; on the contrary, I esteem them all above myself because they have more virtues than I do. However, it is because I lack patience, and at times I see a speck in their eyes while, blind as I am, I fail to see the beam in my own.

[8]

Regarding charity toward my poor savages, I do all I can to show them my love. I always return their courtesies, and I even anticipate them when I believe it will please them. I do not yet know how to speak their language. I try to convey my love through my mannerisms and the few words I know. I do this not because they are amiable in their manners—far from it, as they lack them entirely—but to draw them to the Catholic religion or to strengthen them in it. I greatly desire to learn their language, but I cannot study it because the numerous duties at the motherhouse leave me no time to learn or converse with the natives. I suffer greatly when I find myself among them, when they speak to me, and I cannot respond, even though I so deeply desire to instruct them. The good Lord has already rewarded my desires by granting me the task of working on the books. I consider this work a great favour because, by working in the printing press, one directly contributes to the conversion of souls.

[9]

Yes, my reverend and very dear father, I burn with the desire for the conversion of these poor savages. I would willingly give my life for their salvation; this is the offering I often make to God. When I see that I cannot act through my words, I content myself with saying to God: "My God, You see the desires of my heart; please accept them for Your greater glory." Every day, I offer my labours and sufferings for their salvation. Alas! At times, I cannot hold back my tears when I see so many souls being lost.

[10]

As for obedience, I am far from possessing this virtue. It is not that I do not do what I am commanded, but at times I obey with a bad temper or with murmuring. There are certain tasks that displease me greatly.

[11]

Now, however, I do not find it as difficult to obey as before. I have received so much enlightenment about this virtue from the reverend provincial father that he has helped me to love it.

[12]

Regarding chastity, alas! What temptations, what impure thoughts to combat! What efforts the impure enemy makes to rob me of this angelic virtue. At times, it seems I am defeated, and all is lost for me. But as soon as I realize this, I cry out to Jesus and Mary, and help never fails me. It is especially through prayer—“by your most holy virginity and your Immaculate Conception,” etc.—that I make the enemy flee. He dreads this prayer terribly.

[13]

For some time now, I have had much to struggle against concerning my gaze, which at times gives rise to frightening thoughts. These are the temptations I fear the most, and they make me long for death. Often, I ask God for death rather than allow me to fall into this sin or any other. Yes, my reverend father, with tears in my eyes, I often pray to God to take my life because at every moment, I see myself in danger of losing His grace and being cast into hell. Nevertheless, I trust in Jesus and Mary. I hope they will not abandon me.

[14]

As for the virtue of poverty, I often have opportunities to exercise it. It is particularly with clothing that I experience desires for beautiful attire, so as to appear well before Europeans. In these desires, I find two failures in virtue: one against poverty and the other against humility.

[15]

Nevertheless, I fight against them as much as I can, resigning myself to the will of God. The struggle often returns because the occasion is always present.

[16]

With the permission of my spiritual father, I make three communions each week, not counting Sunday. On Tuesday, I offer it for the conversion of infidels and heretics; on Thursday, for the souls in purgatory; on Saturday, for my various needs and those of others; and on Sunday, to ask for conformity to the will of God, His love, and other virtues. I always prepare myself the evening before by reciting my rosary and some other prayers. At times, before holy communion, my heart is inflamed with love for the beloved of my soul, but as soon as I have received Him on my lips, my spirit withdraws from me, and I remain in dryness during my thanksgiving, which I do as best I can. Never has this divine spouse of our souls made me feel His presence after holy communion, but I love Him no less for that, and I know that He wishes to test my faith. May His holy will be done.

[17]

Finally, my reverend father, I would have many more things to communicate to you, but I express myself so poorly that I will stop here. I beg you to excuse my great ignorance. I ask you to kindly pass on some of your good advice and counsel at the next opportunity.

I am, my reverend and very dear father,

your most humble and obedient servant,

Brother Emery

Marist

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